I'm still here

You can ignore me all you want. I've become a shadow in your life. One that you don't see. A shadow who you can try to run from; but we will still be here.  Do you wonder about me. About her? She is your daughter. A child you know nothing about. A child who knows nothing about you. One day she will ask. And she will learn the truth.

Back ground check

I'm well then. I've been a single mom since day one. I was living in Edmonton at the time. Right before I found out I was expecting her dad decided to ask someone else out. Cool. Told him. Ovbi he wasn't all that thrilled. He suggested termination. I said hell no. He was kinda around the first little bit of pregancey untill his crazy gf didn't want anything to with me.
Meh. I chose to carry on with my life and see where it took me. I worked up untill the end of Sept2013.  Packed up my little car and moved back to no good ol salmon arm. ( all my family is here) i sat  around for most of October. She was born November.  Huge newborn. 9 lbs. Named her Athena Raine.   I took a year of maternity leave and adjusted to being a new mom. Lots of sleep deprivation and lonely moments. Finally after about a year got over her dad deciding to not be in the picture and was able to make peace with it. The year flew by. Last Sept I went back to work. Which sucked getting back into it after a year off :p now im working part time split between  at a salon and a barber shop. I chose to only work pt so I can be home with her a little more :) can't say I'd change much. It's been a good challenge. She has made me re evaluate what is important in my life. My social life has taken the biggest hit as most of My friends don't have kids and don't understand that you can't take a 1 yr old quadding lol.

life is so confusing

i had an eye opening, system shocking, life altering moment yesterday. im now jumping ahead, let me go back to the start,

there's this boy, his name is B, i find him irresistibly attractive, and well i finally had the opportunity to kiss him, so like any other young lady, i jumped on the chance. as time went on, we were more then just kisses, we were causal...fun. nothing serious, but a good time non the less. like all other girls, i obviously would like to be more then fun. and now i have to throw a wrench in his life story.

last month we had some fun, and some cloths ( all clothes where off) and one thing led to another, the moment was heated and passionate. i didnt think anything of it as i was taking the needed precautions,  but like all other unpredictable situations you cant tell the future. time went on, i didnt notice anything, but then i got to thinking, of the "what if...." and those can be dangerous.

then of last week came around i was wondering when mother nature is coming around, still no sign, so like the prepared female, i decided to test out the slim chances that my urine may just reveal a bump in the road. the test was a blinking positive "yes"..... i didnt believe it, false positives happen all the time right?

so what should my next set be? obviously to get it confirmed or dismissed, i went to a unplanned parenthood office to see if they could give me a positive or negative, she gave me a congratulations,.....    shit, she said its a 99% chance its real.


now what? i guess its time to find a real doctor to get this confirmed, so i can break it to the poor guy who im not even in a relationship with.

Life just got so confusing

I was just told

"I feel you are a girl that isn't appreciated enough. Gets taken for granted"



And it's sadly true

Generic Love Poem

Generic Love Poem

Call a                          doctor/ plumber/ priest
My heart is               broken/ leaking/ deceased
My life is                   worthless/ so much better/ over
I'm going to              kill myself/ tell your wife/ Dover
How could you         leave me/ not know/ lie?
I hope you                return my stuff/ come back/ die
I'll never                   forget you/ forgive you/ go away
I need                        closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay
Your                           face/ crotch/ top of your back
Is                                so beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack
Your                           ex/ mother/ best friend from school
Always made me      great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool
I will                           miss you/ kill you/ stalk you forever
That way we can      be friends/ get away with it/ be together
I'm sorry                   you did this/ I did this /we failed
I promise to               pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't               leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call

I loved meeting your family :p

Julia

Hello gorgeous,
you dont deserve to feel down today. You are wonderful and magnificant in your very own way, and you make someone very happy, and I think that makes you significantly less worthless than you think.
You may not know this, but you are the reason someone smiles. You are the person who keeps their sadness away, even if just for a moment. you smile is infectious and your laughter is adorable. And if you snort while laughing thats precious too.
You are the most amazing person I have ever met. I love you