Ummm

Brian apparently just had a kid... Wjat. The fuck

I'm sorry for letting myself down

You deserve more. 

Ps in am a hair dresser

I hear all sorts of stories while at work. From all sort of people from all walk of life. Today am older gentleman told me he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I don't know why but his story hit me hard. This a a disease where  there is no cure. Nothing can be done to help you. If I was him id be depressed and who knows what else. Yet he was the most upbeat, full of life, positive man I've ever met. He inspired me while I've a life a head of me. While I have all the time in the world. ❤

I'm still here

You can ignore me all you want. I've become a shadow in your life. One that you don't see. A shadow who you can try to run from; but we will still be here.  Do you wonder about me. About her? She is your daughter. A child you know nothing about. A child who knows nothing about you. One day she will ask. And she will learn the truth.

Back ground check

I'm well then. I've been a single mom since day one. I was living in Edmonton at the time. Right before I found out I was expecting her dad decided to ask someone else out. Cool. Told him. Ovbi he wasn't all that thrilled. He suggested termination. I said hell no. He was kinda around the first little bit of pregancey untill his crazy gf didn't want anything to with me.
Meh. I chose to carry on with my life and see where it took me. I worked up untill the end of Sept2013.  Packed up my little car and moved back to no good ol salmon arm. ( all my family is here) i sat  around for most of October. She was born November.  Huge newborn. 9 lbs. Named her Athena Raine.   I took a year of maternity leave and adjusted to being a new mom. Lots of sleep deprivation and lonely moments. Finally after about a year got over her dad deciding to not be in the picture and was able to make peace with it. The year flew by. Last Sept I went back to work. Which sucked getting back into it after a year off :p now im working part time split between  at a salon and a barber shop. I chose to only work pt so I can be home with her a little more :) can't say I'd change much. It's been a good challenge. She has made me re evaluate what is important in my life. My social life has taken the biggest hit as most of My friends don't have kids and don't understand that you can't take a 1 yr old quadding lol.

life is so confusing

i had an eye opening, system shocking, life altering moment yesterday. im now jumping ahead, let me go back to the start,

there's this boy, his name is B, i find him irresistibly attractive, and well i finally had the opportunity to kiss him, so like any other young lady, i jumped on the chance. as time went on, we were more then just kisses, we were causal...fun. nothing serious, but a good time non the less. like all other girls, i obviously would like to be more then fun. and now i have to throw a wrench in his life story.

last month we had some fun, and some cloths ( all clothes where off) and one thing led to another, the moment was heated and passionate. i didnt think anything of it as i was taking the needed precautions,  but like all other unpredictable situations you cant tell the future. time went on, i didnt notice anything, but then i got to thinking, of the "what if...." and those can be dangerous.

then of last week came around i was wondering when mother nature is coming around, still no sign, so like the prepared female, i decided to test out the slim chances that my urine may just reveal a bump in the road. the test was a blinking positive "yes"..... i didnt believe it, false positives happen all the time right?

so what should my next set be? obviously to get it confirmed or dismissed, i went to a unplanned parenthood office to see if they could give me a positive or negative, she gave me a congratulations,.....    shit, she said its a 99% chance its real.


now what? i guess its time to find a real doctor to get this confirmed, so i can break it to the poor guy who im not even in a relationship with.

Life just got so confusing

I was just told

"I feel you are a girl that isn't appreciated enough. Gets taken for granted"



And it's sadly true

Generic Love Poem

Generic Love Poem

Call a                          doctor/ plumber/ priest
My heart is               broken/ leaking/ deceased
My life is                   worthless/ so much better/ over
I'm going to              kill myself/ tell your wife/ Dover
How could you         leave me/ not know/ lie?
I hope you                return my stuff/ come back/ die
I'll never                   forget you/ forgive you/ go away
I need                        closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay
Your                           face/ crotch/ top of your back
Is                                so beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack
Your                           ex/ mother/ best friend from school
Always made me      great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool
I will                           miss you/ kill you/ stalk you forever
That way we can      be friends/ get away with it/ be together
I'm sorry                   you did this/ I did this /we failed
I promise to               pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't               leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call

I loved meeting your family :p

Julia

Hello gorgeous,
you dont deserve to feel down today. You are wonderful and magnificant in your very own way, and you make someone very happy, and I think that makes you significantly less worthless than you think.
You may not know this, but you are the reason someone smiles. You are the person who keeps their sadness away, even if just for a moment. you smile is infectious and your laughter is adorable. And if you snort while laughing thats precious too.
You are the most amazing person I have ever met. I love you

Really

Why am I afraid to lose you when you're not even mine ?

B

My heart races every time I see that I have a text from you. <3
I think I have a problem :/

Ds

I missed you today.

You melted my heart

Yes for sure sarcasm lol. Ha k well. Shorter than me. But not to short cause I like to be able to just bend over and kiss them. Someone not quiet cause that's boring and akward cause you cant talk alot. Not shy. Not afraid to say there part. Can make fun of people but also can take a joke. Ambitious in life. Cares for others and her self. Not a fucking slut. Not a goodie goodie. Has confidence. Someone I can call up anytime anywhere and chat with or hang out with and doesn't need forever to get ready first. A Girly girl but at the same time not haha. Likes to so things like sledding or anything really. I unno just ya. It seems like I'm picky haha. And I'm not just saying this now but what I said last night is true so much of it is you ha. I'm seriously not trying me be creepy here

Yes, this one is for me

if Being a bitch means: I stand up for myself and my beliefs. I stand up for those I love. I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my way. I won’t compromise what’s in my heart, I live my life my way. I won’t allow anyone to step on me, I refuse to tolerate injustice. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be me. So try to stomp on, douse my inner flame, squash every ounce of beauty I hold within. You won’t succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it.

Let others take you as you are, or not at all.

 Speak your truth even if your voice shakes.  By being yourself, you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before.  So walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going.

I've learnt that...

You can't let God down, because you arnt holding him up.

Brian

You asked me what my opinion if you is, here it is...
Your not stupid, you challenge me in conversations. You arnt afraid to state your opinion. Your good looking, you probably know that but arnt cocky and asshole like. You have a decent sense of humour. Your really sweet, in both ways ( cool person, and taste good!) you seems to be a hard worker. Your sociable, your a happy person a least u seem happy. Your a little bit mysterious, your confident, little bit weird. But that makes things fun. You have a nice bod. You seem open minded. You also seem like an honest person. Calm, not aggressive but more of a gentle person. Not a pathetic gentle but the good type. You seem content in life, a little disobedient, fairly easy going. Easy to get along with . You hav nice lips. Good natured, active, not lazy. Likeable, a little reckless when having fun. Seem respectful. Sarcastic. Have a fantastic smile, Id give you an A. :)

What It Feels Like When Saying “No” Doesn’t Work

It feels like your hand touching me through my jeans as my confused mind tries to catch up to what is happening to me.

It feels like me stopping you from removing my shirt and you taking that as a sign that it’s time for you to try unbuttoning my pants.

It feels like I can’t move away with your arm wrapped so tightly around my waist and your hand so intent on exploring parts of me that I fruitlessly try to keep to myself.

It feels like me trying to decipher exactly when kissing was no longer the only goal, when I became uncomfortable, when I became threatened.

It feels like being told to stay despite my request to leave. It feels like you physically lifting me from the ground as I stand to go, my mouth silenced by yours.

It feels like guilt and confusion, like it may have been my fault that you took advantage of my inexperience. Like kissing you in the first place may have justified you touching me after me telling you to stop.

It feels like realizing that my words mean nothing as you text me repeatedly and that my silence is equally as invaluable as you assume that your unanswered “Sorry” fixes everything.

It feels like you asking me to dinner because you apologized for violating me, like until there is a reason that I could have said no, I’m in a constant state of consent.

It feels like I’m nothing but my body, that I have no valid excuse to objecting to your touch, that as a man you are entitled to everything I am.

It feels empty.



By Sam Matthis

Heyde

“I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other; for those were some of the best times of my life.”